Bilbo has been sight seeing this week in the Hocking Hills.
He wanted to have a look at the different parks in the Hocking Hills State Park
area. So my daughter and I took him to Old Man’s Cave first.
Old Man’s Cave is the most popular among the parks.
Of course since he is now the big Gardening Idol and
Playboy he wanted his picture taken at all of the parks.
You have to remember he thinks he is all that.
Maybe he thought his fans or Lady Followers were
pining to see his handsome self.
He wasn’t into all this hiking stuff though and had
to be persuaded that he needed the exercise after all
of that laying around in a box for days upon days
and cooped up on planes and trucks.
I do not know whether Bilbo is just not really the rustic
woodsman type or that he thought he would not be macho
looking enough with a backpack on his back but a six mile
hike was not in his plans at all.
There are just not too many bikini babes hiking in the
parks either or any for that matter.
Bikini’s, mosquitoes and green briars do not work well
together. It is outdoor wear and hiking boots here.
Forget it Bilbo you are not here to ogle or charm the
girls anyway so get that idea off of your mind.
You are going to have to walk in any of these parks.
It was a hot day and he decided he wanted to go swimming.
I had to grab him fast because he was ready to jump right in.
”Bilbo, no! They do not allow swimming here and you
will break every porcelain bone in your little body going over the
upper falls and I don’t think you can stand any more of that”.
So we got him out of there fast.
Next on the tour was Cedar Falls Park.
At the sight and sound of water he was back to the going
swimming again. What is up with all of this wanting to swim
stuff? Did he have his Speedo's on under his clothes?
Does he have anything at all on under those remnants
On second thought I don’t even want to go there.
“No, Bilbo you cannot swim here either”.
We have got to get him away from the water.
To say the least he is not a very happy gnome
and you can tell he does not like being told no to.
Next in line was Ash Cave Park.
“No, Bilbo you cannot dive off of the bridge into the
creek. Besides it is not deep enough to swim in.”
We got to take him up the trail and get him away from
this creek. Maybe he just wants to get his watering can
filled? He does take it everywhere with him.
I hope he is being careful and does not slip off of that
mossy log. He is starting to wear me out a little and before
this tour is over I may find a creek and gladly toss him in.
“ I don’t care if that little boy is playing under the
falls. He is much bigger than you. Good grief Bilbo you
are only four inches tall and all of that water will pound
you right into the sand.”
We really got to get him somewhere away from any
kind of water.
Prodding him away from the water and the falls we got him
into the car and off to Conkle’s Hollow.
“ Bilbo be very careful that is a mighty big rock so do not
fall and, no, they do not allow rock climbing here in the hollow.”
They have those signs in the parks for a very good
reason you know. People get off of the trails and fall
very often down over the cliffs.
”Bilbo stay on the trail!”
” No, Bilbo you cannot carve your name into a tree or
on the rocks to mark your visit.” “Why, because if
everyone who visited did it it would ruin the natural
beauty of the parks.”
Time to get him out of here I cannot take much more of
this. I keep having to tell him no. Maybe it was not a good
idea to bring him to the Hocking Hills.
Okay we are now at Cantwell Cliffs Park. I got a feeling
that this was a very bad idea.
“ I know its old and small but Bilbo NO you cannot
stay overnight there. Remember the Forest Closes at Dark!”
“ Bilbo no. You may fit down through those steps and
through the Fat Lady’s Squeeze but I won’t”.
“ No Bilbo they don’t allow rock climbing here either”.
Thank goodness there is not enough water here to
send him off on that swimming kick again.
I think he has finally forgotten all about swimming.
Now, you see what happens when everyone writes
their names on things in the parks that beautiful”
stone fireplace is now a ruined mess.
” No Bilbo, I didn’t bring any hotdogs.”
We need to get him out of these parks and go
somewhere else, anywhere else.
“See the pretty swans Bilbo.”
It is a good thing they built that nest so high after all of
the rain. She has seven eggs that are about ready to hatch.
” No Bilbo, you cannot swim with the Swans.”
” Besides the Cob is guarding the Pen on the eggs
and will eat you alive and your not insured Bilbo”.
“Why not go fishing Bilbo, they have many docks
and places where you can fish at Lake Logan”.
” No Bilbo, you cannot fish near the Swans”.
”What do you mean fishing is not cool and would
ruin your image.” “ And I suppose carrying that
watering can everywhere is cool?” “Ugh, this gnome”.
“ Okay, okay, I see the sign Bilbo”.
”Oh, I give up! Go Swimming!”
“ Bilbo I thought you wanted to go swimming.”
“Yes, I know your tired after hiking all day.”
“Yes, I know you have an image to keep.”
“And, oh yes, you definitely have to keep that golden tan
of yours from fading,
but Bilbo that watering can is going to leave a mark.”
”Mister you have one hour and then it is home
and back into the box with you”.
”What a Day!”
There is one more story about Bilbo and then
I am packing this wandering garden gnome off to
further adventures in other gardens and locations.
If you would like to have Bilbo visit your Garden please
let me know. I know you all are feeling quite sorry for
me by now and are willing to take him off of my hands?
I promise I will get him straightened out and all calmed
down before he gets to your home and he will not be
a problem at all.
Now, who would like him to visit?
Thank you, Thank you!