This has been a cool and wet week here in the Hills.
It seems strange not to look out and not see brown grass and not to have to drag around the water hose at this time of the year. How I wish this rain could have been diverted to Texas where they are in such need. I am certain that the eastern coast line states would have wished the same thing where there is record flooding. This year is still going the course of extremes with no middle ground. Makes one really wonder what extremes we may be in for this Fall and Winter.
I was hoping to get out into the garden this week with the cooler temperatures to finish up a flowerbed that I had tore into but the drizzling rains have kept me indoors.
I did mud in a couple of new plants that arrived. Mudded in? If I remember right that is what I had to do to the new plants this spring also.
My heart has not really been into the garden and on flowers this week even with the arrival of new Fall catalogs. The loss of an ex-BIL this week has taken over my mind. Though I have been a single mother for many years I still care and feel the loss of family and friendships gained during the marriage.
When that death is self inflicted it is even harder to accept. The why’s and what if’s that we can never understand or find the answers for tend to crowd our thoughts until we decided that we will never know the answers so it is time to stop thinking about it and trying to figure it all out.
As long as they are talking about suicide they are still crying out for help. It is when they are silent from accepting the act and their quietness comes, that is when red flags should go up and help is really needed.
Being a Christian woman I have to think that in that last split second that there may have been clarity and forgiveness and that keeps the family from falling apart and gives them a little peace.
When someone is in so much pain or afraid of life is it an act of surrender or is it an act of selfishness?
Alas now those answers will never be found.
Prayer and love to those who are left behind who try to understand and accept this loss is what I ask.
To those who may contemplate this act themselves, your families are not better off without you and would want to help and continue to love you unfailing. We want to help you carry your pain and burdens and help you find healing.
Do not give up on yourselves.
You are never alone.